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How does it feel to know that everything you’ve always known to be true is wrong? Alabama is not infalliable. UCLA is apparently a more desirable job that Florida. Tennessee is now a second-tier gig. Stuff’s happening so fast that you can’t even write a good college football blog without having to add in after-the-fact smartassery.

Also, Alabama is fallible. WTF, Tide? Is nothing sacred or predictable any more?

1. Alabama – Ohmigodtheskyisfalling!!!!! Nothing will ever be right in the world again. Maybe Nick has lost it. We should’ve gone after Chip Kelly!!! Of course, when tOSU wipes the floor with Wisconsin next week, the Tide will still be in.
2. Ole Miss State – Please don’t go, Dan. Please please please please please. (On second thought, we hear Greg Schiano is still available.)
3. Nebraska – Hello, Scott? Please come home. Please please please please please. (On second thought, it sure looks like everything’s lining up for it to happen, doesn’t it?)
4. Florida – Which was uglier, Gators? Getting beat out for the coach you wanted or getting bat down by a 4-6 FSU? (On second thought, given recent history, what do you think the odds are that Mr. Mullen ends up regretting this one big time?)
5. Ole Miss – Rebs dial 1-976-Ohshitweshouldnthaveselfimposedthatbowlban.
6. Tennessee – Dang, the SEC really does dominate the polls, and with that disaster of a season, plus the turndown from Chip, the Vols have clearly earned their place in this hot mess. (On second thought, boy did we underestimate what a total hot mess things are on Rocky Top!)
7. Washington State – Speaking of begging coaches to stay, prepping for your rivalry game, which is for a division championship, while hoping your pirate doesn’t leave is pretty much the definition of chaos (and it sure showed in the results).
8. Illinois – Remember when the Illini started the year 2-0? We’re trying to remember how things went from there.
9. UCLA – Let the Season of Irrational Exuberance begin!
10. The U – You can still see the wisps of steam emanating from Malik Rozier’s ears from here.
11. Notre Dame – And with that, Brian Kelly returns to his customary place at the head of the coaching death watch.
12. Maryland & Rutgers – In case they weren’t clear on the concept a combined season-closed 106-10 wipeout should remind them that they don’t belong in the B1G.
13. Arkansas – The Hogs are going to soil themselves if Nebraska actually hires Bret Bielema. We’d soil ourselves if the Hogs would bring back Houston Nutt, but that’s just a pipe dream, isn’t it? (On second thought, we hear that Greg Schiano is available.)
14. Kansas – Seriously? He’s coming back? (On second thought, we hear that Butch Jones, Bret Bielema, and Greg Schiano are all available.)
15. Baylor – Funniest line we heard on TV all weekend: “1-10 Baylor giving TCU all they can handle.”
16. North Carolina – If you’d like to truly terrify your favorite Tarheel next Halloween, just go dressed as Nyheim Hines. (On second thought, how is it possible that Mr. Fedora hasn’t been capped yet?)
17. Oregon State – 69-10 in your rivalry game? Please please please tell us you’re really bringing Mike Riley back again.
18. UNLV – Congratulations on going from “all hope is lost” after Week One to “beat our two-win rivals and go to a bowl” to staying home for the holidays.
19. Idaho – Nothing says goodbye to major college football like losing to New Mexico State. Of course, nothing says that you’re not really playing major college football like playing in the Sun Belt.
20. UTEP – And in the end, there was just one, so well done, y’all! That winless season sure makes the Miners gig look attractive, doesn’t it?

A few weeks ago, we gave “the schedule” the #1 spot in this hot mess because it was so freaking awful. Had we thought about it, we’d have waited until this week to rip on that bitch because what the “great powers” of college football offered us this week was, in retrospect, an effing joke. Congrats to Alabama, Auburn, Clemson, Florida State, Florida, South Carolina, and North Carolina on fending off a veritable murderers row of tomato cans on their way to Rivalry Week. Oh, and thanks for making sure this week rivaled the worst we’ve seen in ages.

In other news, the coaching carousel just got real interesting, didn’t it?

1. The Schedule – Considering how many of you big name coaches pride yourselves on preparing kids to play on Sundays, you might want to remember that no one prepares for the New England Patriots by playing the Edmonton Eskimos.
2. Nebraska – For a young guy, Scott Frost sure has got the non-denial denial down pat.
3. UCLA – Casey Wasserman, er, the Bruins didn’t move that fast and cap Jim Mora on his birthday for nothing. It’ll be interesting to see whether they’ve locked in on Chip or somebody else.
4. Florida – Remember when the Gators were a glamour program? Yeah, those days are over. Now they’re in line behind UCLA’s Wassermoney and shiny new facility. (You know: the Wasserman Center.)
5. Tennessee – Remember when the Vols were a glamour program? Now they’re in line behind UCLA and Florida, so unless Chucky’s really ready to ruin his life for no apparent reason, they’ll be hiring someone who’s overachieved in the AAC.
6. Ole Mess – With all these big programs looking for a new coach, the Rebs are really going to have to prostitute themselves to get their, er, man.
7. BYU – Kilani Sitake is obviously a really good guy, but dang, losing at home to UMass?  That’s some LSU losing at home to Troy shit right there.
8. Kansas – We were going to blast Oklahoma for scheduling a tomato can like the Jayhawks, but then we remembered that KU hasn’t relocated to the Missouri Valley Conference yet, so the only choice the Sooners had was whether or not to celebrate with obscene gestures.
9. Arkansas – Could be worse y’all. You’ve got one more SEC win than Tennessee.
10. North Carolina – The only thing more awful than going 3-8 in your alleged breakout season is going 3-8 with two of the wins against Old Dominion and Western Carolina.
11. Michigan – Never thought you’d see Jim Harbaugh in the death spiral, did you?
12. Texas A&M – The Aggies aren’t having an awful season, just one that’s bad enough to get Kevin Sumlin gigged.
13. Rice – The Owls used to be a solid mid-major contender. Now, they’re a team that plays in a dump that once hosted a Super Bowl.
14. Oregon State – Mike Riley, come on down!  Again!!!
15. Delaware State – 77-6 to a 3-6 outfit like Felony State? Fire…well, whoever the coach is!
16. Vanderbilt – Sucks to be the underdog in a matchup of 0-7 conference teams, doesn’t it, ‘Dores?
17. Baylor – Sorry, we needed some low-hanging fruit this week, and the Bears fruits sure are sagging.
18. Illinois – See above.
19. San Jose State – See above with the only win against Cal Poly.
20. Idaho – Always nice to bid a Kibble Dome (or whatever that airplane hangar is called) farewell to “major” college football by getting whacked by one-win Coastal Carolina.