BLOG

Welcome to the best week of the season…every season. It’s the week when countdown clocks across the country hit zero.

Oh, and this year, it’s also a hell of a lot more important than next week, when we’ll be looking at an unbelievably lame set of conference championship games.

Michigan @ Ohio State – It’s 2006 all over again, only with a more interesting coaching matchup! Aren’t you hoping that Urbz and Crazy Jim end the day yelling, “What’s your deal?!?!?” at each other?

Auburn @ Alabama – As hate weeks go, y’all is number one. As rivalry games go this year, the Iron Bowl figures to be #2. (Behind Michigan-Ohio State, of course. What did you think we meant by that?)

LSU @ Texas A&M – Shocking development: the only CFB game of the holiday is so much more interesting than the three meh NFL games (okay, Dallas-Washington ain’t bad) that it’s silly.

TCU @ Texas – This was supposed to be the exciting final episode of Does Charlie Get To Keep His Gig, but after that disaster in Kansas, it became the game where his players carry him off the field and into his next gig. Now, who knows? And that’s why Texas is pulling ahead of LSU in the “race” for the top spot in this year’s final Chaos Index.

Notre Dame @ USC – Hard to believe that, before the season started, Clay Helton was the dude on the hot seat and Brian Kelly was the coach who knew who his quarterback was, ain’t it?

Florida @ Florida State – Here’s what you’ll be watching: a division champion from the sport’s “premiere” conference against a distant third-place finisher from the meh ACC. Here’s the question you should be asking yourself after FSU wipes the field with UF: which conference is really better?

 Washington @ Washington State – The last time the Apple Cup mattered this much, Eddie Vedder was a hot, happening artist rather than a Cubs fan who’s not as well known as Bill Murray.

Georgia Tech @ Georgia – It’s good old fashioned mediocrity between the hedges!

Utah @ Colorado – It’s that traditional post-Thanksgiving showdown with Pac-10, er Pac-12, championship ramifications, just like you remember the way it was when you were growing up. Y’know, assuming you’ve just started growing up in the last couple months. (And since yours truly hasn’t bothered growing up yet, why wouldn’t that be the case?)

Pick your, er, poison: was the chaotic highlight of this week the bad decisions to go for two in close games, the collapse of the current coaching endeavors in three of the nation’s marquee football programs, or the loss of that most exciting piece of drama left in the playoff conversation?

Whatever your favorite, Week 12 was the week that things done blowed up real good.

1. Texas –. We were excitedly looking forward to next week’s 12^th and final episode of this season’s longest-running televnovela: Does Charlie Get To Keep His Gig? After that debacle in Lawrence, you don’t need to see the season finale to know how things are going to turn out.
   

2. Notre Dame – Goodbye bowl game. Hello new coaching staff. It’ll never happen in a gazillion years, but wouldn’t it be fun to see Lane Kiffin land in South Bend?
   

3. LSU – Leaving the ball on the half-yard line with two incredibly predictable calls at the end of the game? It’s almost like Les never left…except that Hat would’ve found a way to win due to a problem with the clock. And now, back to their regularly scheduled pursuit of Jimbo.
   

4. Louisville – Every dark cloud has a silver lining: Lamar Jackson belongs in the CFP, and him being out of it takes away the most interesting piece of drama left in this season. On the other hand, it’s quite delightful to see Bobby Petrino reap the bad karma that he so richly deserves.
   

5. Cincinnati – Speaking of bad karma, we take a delightful 100 mile jaunt up Interstate 71 to wish Tommy T a pleasant month of watching bowl season on TV.
   

6. Michigan State – Here’s how you know things have hit the skids in East Lansing: that two-point attempt at the end of the game is what the mid-majors do against Ohio State.
   

7. San Diego State – Speaking of whom, two thoughts: (1) when you’re the better team, why try a freaking two-point conversion instead of just moving on to overtime, and (2) if you’re going to try a two-point conversion and you have the kid who’s chasing down the D1 rushing record, mightn’t you want to just give him the damn ball?
   

8. UCLA – There’s nothing quite like holding onto the ball for all of 16 minutes against your archrival, is there?
   

9. Texas Tech – Speaking of what the f was that, where the f did that come from? When the Iowa State team that always comes thisclose to pulling off the big upset lays 66 on you, it’s probably time to make a few changes, and we know of a really good football coach who knows Texas and whose forte is defense.
   

10. Baylor – And while we’ve returned to the subject of Charlie Strong, he’s definitely the guy to instill some serious responsibility in Waco, and at this point, the Bears are already down to nothing.
    

11. West Virginia – Not everybody can have a guy rush for 331 yards while getting blown out of a football game, a conference title, and a possible CFP berth, so the ‘Eers have that going for them.
    

12. Utah – What the f was THAT?!?!?
    

13. TCU – What the f was this whole season? Sure, the losses have been to good teams (and Texas Tech), but this is a program that used to beat the good teams.

14. Connecticut – Boston College is perhaps the most mind-numbingly blech program in college football whose initials aren’t KU. Losing to them by a score of 30-0 is even more mind-numbing.

15. Virginia – We now enter the land of bad coaching moves, 2016 edition. For one Marc B.C. Mendenhall, the move east may not have been his best choice given the perpetual aura of doom surrounding the Hoos.
    

16. Tulane – As Willie Fritz’s debut season draws to a close with nary a conference win in the can and a potential closing abomination against UConn on the horizon, we pause to point out that at least the team played worse as the season “progressed”.
    

17. Ole Mess – Remember when the Rebs were national contender material? They still are…give or take the six losses so far this year.

18. Arizona – Oregon State has spent the last two years as the P12’s whipping boy – well, until now. Congrats, Cats, on bearing down when it comes to being bad. DickRod’s Michigan defenses would be proud of yours.

19. Purdue – This is really more of an early 2017 Chaos ranking based on the fact that we think The Hat is going to be wintering in West Lafayette.

20. Houston – Congrats, Cougs, on losing just enough to make the season not so special, but winning at the exact time necessary to make Tom Herman a hot candidate again with Texas and LSU now (un)officially ready to offer him a Brinks Truck.