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The Chaos Index, Week 13: Bullets Dodged All Around
It’s the week that bullets were dodged! Against all odds, LSU kept its Hat on straight. It’s the week that it became clear that Nebraska, K-State, and maybe one more losing team will dodge the “no bowl for you” bullet. ‘Bama and Clemson both barely missed out on Clemsoning. Finally, the Big 12 seemingly dodged a second year without a playoff. (Thanks Stanford!)
- LSU (Before The Announcement) – Here’s what we wrote as the Tigers were carrying their coach off the field: Now that the Les Miles Love Fest & Going Away Party is over, we once again turn to Joe Alleva and ask the immortal question: how are you planning to do better than a coach with a .780 batting average, as many SEC titles as any other LSU coach, and a natty? Hugh Freeze or Dan Mullen? Possibly. Maybe. Also, maybe not. The Hat may be batshit crazy at times, and he definitely needs to retool the offense for the 21st century, but unless you’ve got a secret deal with Jimbo Fisher, you are about to make a huge, massive mistake.
- LSU (After) – We weren’t wrong, Joe. You made a huge, massive mistake. After spending the last few weeks letting the inmates (in the form of your boosters) run wild, you let 24 hours of pressure from the fanbase overrule the decision you’d obviously already made? Congratulations on allowing the rest of the SEC (and the ACC and Big 12) to recruit against you with the, “Aw c’mon, you know this is his last year” pitch. That presser on ESPN was more interesting than a lot of the football we’ve seen this year. One last question: when does Cam Cameron get told to hit the bricks?
- The Bowls – We love the bowls. We can concoct a perfectly valid eight-team playoff system that leaves the bowls intact. That said, if we’re spending the last week of the season wondering which 5-7 teams will go bowling, there are officially way too many bowls.
- Florida – And so concludes week one of our two-week saga called, “Happy Days Haven’t Entirely Returned To The Swamp.” Think the Tide were licking their chops watching the Felony State game?
- Texas – Good night, sweet princes. Here’s hoping that Uncle Charlie stays, the running back challenge is as fixed as it seems to be, and somebody figures out the quarterback situation. Soon. (Unless, of course, you’re looking to give us more low-hanging fruit to write about in 2016, in which case, take your time, fellas.)
- Nebraska – Maxwell Smart had a saying: missed it by that much. That sums up their season pretty well, doncha think? Better, with the Huskers apparently headed to a bowl at 5-7, there’s hope for more Big Red entertainment.
- The ‘Cuse – We know what you’re thinking, Orangefolk. Coach O is engaging. Coach O is a great recruiter. Coach O has experience in the SEC and P12. Coach O sure did a great job as the interim guy at Southern Cal. (He didn’t – not really – but that’s another matter.) Before you do it, dial up Oxford and let them serve you a piping hot cup of what are you all thinkin’?
- Toledo – As dream seasons go, the Rockets sure turned theirs into a very good season. They also turned Matt Campbell into a Power 5 coach, but for his sake, we hope it won’t be at Iowa State. He deserves better.
- Penn State – 55-16 was the cherry on top of the 7-5 disappointment sundae.
- Auburn – If you’re happy with a “moral victory” and you know it, clap your hands.
- Rutgers – The coach and now the AD halfway out the door? It’s like UCF, but with lots of arrests, suspensions, and a B1G chaser (meaning it’s going to be a lot tougher to get back up again).
- Vanderbilt – “But we’ve got a great defense, so we’re halfway there!” says the team that just gave up 53 points to a talented, but hardly great, Tennessee offense.
- Oregon State – Winless in conference with only one win over an FBS school – and a disappointing one at that – isn’t exactly the kind of coaching debut you’d like to make. In fact, considering what he had to work with, we’d say Gary Andersen’s debut was more disappointing that David Beaty’s.
- Georgia State – The Panthers are currently enjoying the good kind of chaos. We’ve said it before: they’re the San Diego State of the Southeast. They’re a sleeping giant in a huge market with a great recruiting pool, and they play in an NFL stadium. Now, they’ve put a few wins together, and with one more, they’re going bowling! And all they have to do is beat Georgia Southern on the road. Dare to dream, guys, but save those dreams for next year.
- Michigan – Hey, it’s been one hell of a first season for The Khaki Messiah, but any time you finish with essentially the same record that almost got Les Miles tossed while getting absolutely destroyed by your rival, you’ve got a much longer way to go than everybody thought. We have not returned to the land of Bo & Woody – not yet, anyway.
- TCU/Baylor – Hmm…that’s one way to avoid another 61-58 lunacy, isn’t it? It might not have been as fun as last year, but it sure was hard to look away from it.
- Virginia – The Beamerball streak lives! The Hokies-Hoos streak lives. Mike London also lives, but he’ll be continuing life in another area code.
- Colorado – Coach Mac will be back? Well, he did have that one great year at San Jose State.
- Purdue – Coach Hazell will be back? Well, he did have that one great year at Kent State.
- The Winless – Not sure which qualifies for a better chaos ranking: losing your coach/AD over the course of a season that ends with a 44-3 impaling at the hands of your archrival, whose own coach appeared to be on the way out a few weeks ago (that’s UCF, y’all) or losing every game ugly with the knowledge that you weren’t going to lose your coach or AD in the offseason (Rock Chalk It’s Basketball Season).
Countdown To Chaos, Week 13: Hot Damn, It’s Rivalry Week!
Hot damn, it’s Rivalry Week! (Unless your rivalry game got moved up a week – or more – by the lame scheduling nonsense that Big TV now imposes on the sport.) It’s a time when the stakes – and the hate – don’t get any bigger. Well, at least until the conference championship games next week.
They don’t make Rivalry Week like they used to, do they? Luckily, it’s still awesome, especially if you have someone to hate. (And we sure do, meaning we’ll be watching all the other games using a satellite dish and a tablet with 4G at a tailgate.)
Ohio State @ Michigan – Okay, we’re pretty sure we’ve got this down: the favorite is that traditional college football powerhouse led by God’s Gift To Coaching. The underdog is in turmoil with several key players melting down, but given the coach’s history, you have to figure they’ll eventually turn things around. Yep, we figure in a couple years you could see the underdog back in the saddle, so take a deep breath and be patient, Mich…wait…what?
Oklahoma @ Oklahoma State – Would you say the Sooners are favored more because Baker Mayfield is injured, their only loss is to the trainwreck that is Texas, or the game is in Stillwater? We don’t get it, but then we also don’t know when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em. (Though we do know exactly when to mute that annoying TV commercial with Kenny Rogers.)
Notre Dame @ Stanford – Who do you think is rooting harder for the Cardinal – the Big 12 or the Big 10? Meanwhile, Stanford is rooting for Michigan, Penn State, Nebraska, Auburn, Florida State, TCU, NC State, and…well, you get the picture.
Alabama @ Auburn – Before you assume this one’s in the bank, just remember that it’s as nasty a rivalry game as any in football, so you can “throw out the records”. Also, remember that Auburn – not ‘Bama – was the preseason darling and SEC title favorite in many circles. Are you done remembering? Okay, now you can assume this one’s in the bank.
Navy @ Houston – Navy’s always been good, but this is ridiculous. The craziest thought of all is Navy playing in their conference championship game and then playing their most important game of the year. (Welcome to conference life, Middies!) The biggest issue in Annapolis might be the thought that, after all these years, Ken Niumatalolo – an amazing man – might get an offer from somewhere that’s too good to refuse.
UCLA @ USC – Back in the olden days when Southern California kids would walk through miles of sunshine to get to school – y’know, the ’80’s and ’90’s – the Rose Bowl was always on the line for at least one team in this game, and unless Washington was shredding the Pac-10, it was on the line for both teams. This is just like that. Except that the winner earns the right to play for the right to play in the Rose Bowl. Oh, and the Rose Bowl is now a consolation prize. Other than that, it’s just like the good old days.
Baylor @ TCU – Is this year’s Battle Of The Walking Wounded officially a rivalry game yet? We’ll give you 61-58 reasons why it is.
Iowa @ Nebraska – Baseball players like to say that you can be a .300 hitter in June and July, but if you’re a .250 hitter, you’ll be a .250 hitter come October. Iowa isn’t a .250 hitter, but 1.000? Against a Nebraska team, in Lincoln, that desperately needs this to save face? On the B1G roulette wheel, we’d lay our chips on red, not black.
Florida State @ Florida – Okay, so Florida had a really good day against Ole Miss. Other than that, their most impressive win was their loss to LSU, which is looking less and less impressive by the minute (especially since Ole Miss destroyed the Tigers). Jim McElwain’s had a phenomenally good first year in Gainesville, but the last couple weeks will remind everyone there’s a lot of work to be done.
Penn State @ Michigan State – With most teams, you’d be thinking, “Y’know, they’ve been playing with fire all year, and something’s gotta give. I bet Sparty’s prime for a dream-derailing upset.” Just one thing: Mark Dantonio is not about to let that happen, meaning that Nittany Nation will spend the offseason staring at either 8-5 or 7-6, and neither one of those is going to be particularly appetizing.
Ole Miss @ Mississippi State – Who has the higher stakes in this year’s Egg Bowl? Ole Miss still has a shot at the SEC Championship in the unlikely (okay, laughable) event that Auburn wins the Iron Bowl. Even with that, the stakes might be higher in Stark Vegas, where Dak Prescott – talk about a class act – will definitely exit and the fans have to be praying that Dan Mullen doesn’t follow him out the door.
Texas A&M @ LSU – Welcome to The Hat’s Last Stand. Does it even matter how the game turns out? Probably not. We think the good people of B.R. have blown a common sense fuse, but if that’s really the case, a win over the Aggies won’t reset the circuit breaker.
North Carolina @ North Carolina State – It’s kinda weird to think that the Heels have a real live shot at the playoff this year, isn’t it? This is the kind of week where those sorts of unusual dreams frequently turn to dust. Just sayin’…
Washington State @ Washington – The Cougs have played surprisingly well since getting pantsed by an FCS school to open the year. They’ve also dodged a lot of bullets. Speaking of dodging bullets, Coach Pete might want to dodge one here by winning the Apple Cup lest the impression begin that maybe, just maybe, he’s following in the shoes of Dirk Koetter and Dan Hawkins.
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